This is the time of year when the torrent of “New You in the New Year” articles flood my feeds. Like the covers of Men’s Health they seem to repeat themselves. After all, we’ve had twelve months to forget all the things we were supposed to do last year.
During this long holiday weekend, with 2010 just around the corner, I thought it proper to look back on 2009, a significant year in my life, full of change, advancement and challenges. It was at once the best and hardest year of my life. It’s worth a bit of reflection.
2009 was a year of change and challenge. I moved to San Francisco, a city that looks beautiful from the outside but is much more complicated for those who live here. For a year I lived in a house I both hated and could barely afford, an overpriced Victorian on a very bad street. Thankfully that experience is behind me. New place, new me.
I would be doing a disservice if I didn’t speak to the importance of my friends. I’m not much of a co-dependent and I don’t accept help (or advice or criticism) very well. As I’ve grown, fallen, and overcome challenges my friends have proven irreplaceable. I am so very grateful for and humbled by their friendship.
It’s impossible to summarize the technical knowledge I’ve acquired this year so I won’t. Here are a few things I learned about myself and about life.
Deal With What’s Out There
There are few times in life when you are not in 100% control of your fate (exceptions include air travel.) You lose control when you leave others no choice but to act on your behalf. Dealing with uncomfortable challenges may seem difficult now but you can bet that they will worsen with every passing day.
I’ve had the opportunity to learn this lesson many times in my life, but never did. In 2009 I dealt with a financial situation that that started ten years ago. For ten years I’ve had the opportunity to take control of it and I chose not to. Alas, the shit hit the fan in 2009. I lost control and almost didn’t recover. Thanks to hard work and the support of many in my life, I made it through and learned my lesson.
American culture doesn’t reward assertive behavior but that doesn’t mean you can’t take control of your life. When confronting an uncomfortable situation, remember, the person at the other end of the table, phone, or email doesn’t control you. If you do the right thing, you will always win in the long run.
Accountability Is Infectious
I take pride in my accountability. I make decisions and take complete responsibility for them if something goes wrong…the buck always stops here. It’s a valuable trait in a world where so many people spend their time searching for someone to blame or making excuses. It can also be troublesome because when something goes wrong there’s no one else to blame.
Though like a virus, accountability is infectious. When those around you know that you will take responsibility for what you do, they spend less time trying to point fingers. Everyone is better off and groups work more efficiently. As a person I’m less interested in hearing why you did something wrong than I am in hearing what you’re going to do to fix it. As a professional, I don’t see the value of explanations. At the end of the day, something still went wrong and the smartest people are constantly trying to find ways to make the world better instead of focusing on who to blame for their woes. Don’t get caught up in the race to blame.
Understand Motivation
I make a lot of very quick decisions. Some are spawned by gut reactions others by sheer will. Rarely do I stop and take stock of why I want do do something. Even when I make an effort, I almost never admit my real motivations, they can be too uncomfortable to admit.
Here’s a recent frivolous example. I’ve been toying with moving my hosting services from Media Temple to Rackspace. No less than four times I’ve provisioned a clean server on The Rackspace Cloud, moved databases, done everything short of pulling the plug. My gut tells me I should do this but it doesn’t tell me why.
When I stop to consider my root motivations, the reason is clear…it’s new and shiny. I arrive at this conclusion via Toyota’s Five Whys Test. Understanding the root, I can weigh the advantages and make a better decision, which in this case means not moving my server. With reality in front of me, I abandon my frivolous pursuit of developer coolness and stay with what works.
Trust, But Question Your Gut
Outwardly I’m very self-assured but often I give detractors and naysayers more credit than I should. Instead of considering varying viewpoints and making a decision, all too often I allow the negative feedback to overpower my will.
Even our closest friends who want nothing but the best for us come to our lives with their own perspectives. Almost every time I’ve trusted me gut, life was better and most times I’ve allowed my gut to be overpowered, I’ve regretted it.
Your gut should be an excellent guide so long as you have honest conversations with yourself about your motivations.
You Can’t Know Everything
The saying goes, “Those who can’t do teach.” I don’t know if that’s true but I’ve learned this year to accept the opposite…those who do, can’t teach. For years I thought the world crazy because no one could learn what I was trying to tell them. This year I’ve realized the lowest common denominator in those situations was me. The buck stops here. I’m a bad teacher.
Part of growing up is admitting that you aren’t the solution to every problem the world has. As I continue to narrow my professional focus I must accept that when things aren’t going as I would like, close examination may prove that in fact I am the problem. This logic along with my focus on finding “the root” helps me lead more effectively.
How 2010 Will Be Better
As I grow older I grow more focused, not to be confused with more patient. This year I’ve had the opportunity to grow in ways I never thought possible and I’ve been the recipient of generosity I can never repay. I’ve also suffered through the consequences of decisions I’d convinced myself would never go awry. All of that, good and bad, is behind me.
All of these cautionary guides give me strength to grow in 2010. With a better personal foundation I intend to take a few more risks in 2010. As I examine the root of my motivations and the reality of what it will take to get there, I have 20/20 clarity of the things that could go wrong. It’s not that I’m more comfortable with risk, I’m just more comfortable taking risks because I know my motivations are just.
As a human I intend to balance the generosity scale that’s woefully out-of-balance. I’m not sure how to go about that but I’m going to try. Most of all I intend to live in the moment, see what’s in front of me, and listen. These are simple statements with far-reaching implications.
Happy 2010.